Learning to let go of the ideas and feelings that bring about pain is the goal of non-attachment, not becoming a stone cold automaton. When we let go of our attachment to our thoughts, we feel a huge sense of freedom, calm, and happiness all over.
Now the question is how to let go of these mental and emotional attachments. Mindful awareness, meditation, and self-inquiry are all good ways to learn how to step back from our thoughts and see things from a different point of view.
True non-attachment occurs when we are able to go with the flow of life without clinging to any particular viewpoint, set of ideas, or emotional response. Think of yourself as an ice cube that, over time, melts into a pool of moving water to symbolize this process of distancing. Non-attachment, like water, is a state of mind that allows one to move freely and joyfully through life, whereas attachment freezes one in place. Thus, the aim of non-attachment is to attain the state of water.
Spiritual activities like finding oneself, accepting oneself, and loving oneself inevitably lead to non-attachment. Some good places to start dropping unhelpful routines, hankerings, and ways of thinking are as follows:
1. Realize how fleeting everything is.
Do some exploring and see if you can locate anything that will endure forever. Is there anyone or anything that will exist forever? The inevitable conclusion is that everything will perish. If you keep this in mind, you’ll be more motivated to start enjoying your life to the fullest. Realizing how quickly our lives may change is a sobering realization, but it also affords us the chance to savor the happiness we have while it lasts.
What a dull existence it would be if nothing ever changed! Death teaches us to value the time we have here on Earth. This opportunity won’t last forever, so enjoy it while you can. More than that, let this understanding drive your search for what is unchanging or everlasting. When you start to think about yourself, you’ll find something that will make you happy, no, make that ecstatically surprised.
2. Give up seeking happiness outside of yourself.
We endure pain when we look for fulfillment in the wrong places, such as in other people or things. In reality, seeking one’s own pleasure is the strongest social bond.
Do your best to focus within instead. Because we’ve been socialized to associate “happiness” with external factors like possessions, achievements, and relationships, it can be challenging to start looking within (involution) for fulfillment. You may not be able to access your soul right away, but with time and effort, you will be able to locate that place of calm inside yourself. Giving yourself regular time alone for reflection and meditation can help you tune into this place inside.
3. Recognize your ideas and emotions.
Keeping up a daily meditation practice is the best approach to becoming more self-aware and noticing your own thoughts and emotions. Try some Vipassana meditation; it will help you keep your feet on the ground as you learn through direct experience that your thoughts are not who you are but rather temporary energy fluctuations that rise and fall like waves on the ocean.
When you start paying attention to your thoughts, you’ll quickly realize how meaningless most of them are until you give them significance. When you stop giving your ideas any weight, they can no longer harm you.
4. Give up on shoulds and musts.
To what end do you set out in life? Do you frequently use the phrases “should” and “must”? Whenever you hear a phrase like “he should be kinder” or “I must do this or I will be a failure” or “they should stop doing that immediately,” you can be sure that it is a mental attachment in the form of an expectation.
Mind how you use these words and how they affect your actions. Do you think something “should” happen or that someone “must” have a specific quality? Drop it. People are unchangeable. Allow life to unfold naturally without imposing unnecessary constraints.
5. Make peace with ambiguity.
For safety’s sake, we micromanage, overplan, and try to foresee outcomes. However, the more we try to avoid ambiguity, the more we end up feeling suspicious, worried, and tight. No longer experiencing dread but rather quiet curiosity and an openness to all possibilities, this is what happens when we learn to welcome uncertainty and let life flow as it wishes.
Since we no longer have to be cautious due to a lack of fear, we are free to take a lighthearted approach to life. It’s possible that you just need to change your perspective on uncertainty in order to learn to accept and even embrace it. As an example, you might stop worrying about “what’s around the corner” and instead view the future as full of exciting surprises.
6. Get in the habit of letting things go.
Allowing means accepting reality without trying to change it. Let your mind wander. Be honest about how you feel. Embrace the chaos that will ensue if you refuse to control the situation. Abraham Hicks says, “The skill of allowing is the art of discovering my alignment and, hence, the art of living in joy regardless of what is occurring around me.” Allowing life to take its course is the path to liberation from pain.